


Smoke In The Wind

by XoTheTragicianXo



Category: MCR - Fandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Bullying, Depression, M/M, Smut, feeling of being used
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-21 22:22:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11366835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XoTheTragicianXo/pseuds/XoTheTragicianXo
Summary: Gerard way lives in a religious community and he knows he doesn't belong but he meets someone who make him feel normal. He doesn't care if Frank is using him for a quick fuck. He just wants to be needed.





	1. Smoke in the wind

Cigarette smoke billowed from my mouth and disappeared into the space around me, dissipating as if it had never even existed, in a melancholic way I thought it may as well shouldn’t have existed, it had spiralled and floated beautifully and in a way like humans it left a very short mark in the sky, a space which would easily be filled as it disappeared, once again like humans it was replaced with another one immediately the old one forgotten about because it was insignificant, it was smoke. I let out another one letting my thoughts still wander. My fingers held the cigarette in a loose grip as I heard a voice walk behind me, a voice that sent butterflies ravaging my insides, one that wrapped me up safe and sound before throwing me off of a cliff. 

A soft hand pulled me up gently and I was pulled from the floor before being pushed to the wall behind me. Lips were pressed hard against mine without a moment of warning or hesitation as if I was heroin to him and he needed a fix. I instinctively kissed back, his hands hooking around my back as I felt the cigarette drop from my hands as I moved mine to his neck letting them lace around his shoulder blades gracefully. I was soft and careful but he was the opposite, he wanted me so he was going to take me, claim me. I was his.

“Frankie, we’re outside… Someone will see. Can we go inside?” I spoke between uneven breaths and he just pressed his forehead to mine gently our noses brushing past the others. “My parents are inside talking with yours Gee, they would kill us. No one will see us here.” I gave in to his words knowing they were right, if we walked inside we would have to sit with two sets of God-fearing parents who would either force us to be a part of their group or we would have to sit quietly upstairs; as my jeans were being messily shoved down I knew I had made the right decision to stay outside.  
The hungry hands roamed across my skin marking it as if to remind anyone who saw me. His lips had mine again as he messily moved his clothing keeping me pressed as close as he physically could, I felt needed, wanted. “Fuck Gerard, you’re so perfect. So fucking perfect.” His words fell upon disbelieving ears as he began thrusting. “I want to hear you, please.” His begging seemed to force me to come undone as whispered moans began to increase and became noises that would put a porn star out of a job, noises which echoed and caused Frank to mingle with me as I tangled my hands into his messy head of black and blonde hair. 

“Gee.. Oh Fuck you’re beautiful.” I never liked compliments but the way his cut into me sticking as if to permanently remind me that he believes those things. I moaned louder and a whimper escaped with it as his name fell from my lips as if it was a prayer. “Frankie! Oh fuck!” The stars in my eyes seemed to blind me as he just kept going becoming more erratic and we both became louder as we climaxed together, hot sweaty messes as he pulled out and just hooked arms around me, Just as much as he seemed to be addicted to me I was to him, it seemed destructive and depressing. He caught my lips for one last kiss before he moved to my neck lazily and began to suck and nip at the skin leaving my now overly- sensitive body a wreck underneath him, he pulled off of me and stood back as if to admire his work as he pulled his clothing on and I followed quickly, this was a routine now, quickly fuck then pretend we barely knew each other past pleasantries. He kissed me one last time before just walking inside leaving me alone in my backyard, my head now full of questions that had no answers and feeling which seemed to scramble me and mix into unknown thoughts, I was still against the wall and sunk down my hand moving to my lips where I could still feel the phantom of his lips ghosting over mine, so skilled yet delicate. 

I composed myself before walking back in, my clothing was smoothed and it seemed no one even noticed I had been gone as I joined the adults in the living room, they noticed I was standing at the back of the room near the door and a mixed look of frustrated faces from my parents mingled with looks of disdain from his. “It seems we were just leaving now, Frank go get your mother's coat and meet us outside.” Frank walked over to me expecting me to show him to the coats as he always did, this was where he would say goodbye for now, kiss me once more and linger as hands curled into fabric or hair and lust filled breath would just quickly mutter something which ruined the mood as always as he grabbed the coat. “That was amazing today, I can’t wait for the next time we come over.” I already craved more of him and just looked up at him from under my eyelashes not wanting to directly stare. “We could always meet up in school tomorrow? The bathrooms are large.” I sounded desperate but I wanted his attention, his acknowledgement.   
He chuckled and just pulled me close. “Easily caught there, don’t want everyone to know I’m fucking you.” Those words for some reason felt like daggers and I looked away trying to hide the hurt as it crossed my face. “You can spend the night tomorrow? Here. I will tell our parents it is a study thing.” This time I couldn’t bear to look at him, I hated rejection, especially from him. “Deal, but I don’t want to study okay Gee?” At those words I perked up and felt my whole face light up, I threw myself to him fully once more and he stood there watching me like a predator stalking its prey.” “I’ll meet you here tomorrow night okay?” I nodded and he disappeared leaving me with a feeling mixed between sinking and soaring. I was a quick fuck to him but I was okay with it as long as I got to be around him; nothing else mattered, I was just like that smoke in the wind, easily replaceable. Insignificant.


	2. Inevitably sinking.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The after glow of being around frank fades and reality sets in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading the last chapter :3, this might be slow to actually be uploaded but I know where it's going.

I couldn’t wait for school the next day just to see him again, to be able to sit there and know he was coming back to mine. His words still haunted my ears as I laid in bed that night, I could die happy now with those words just repetitively engulfing my senses. “You’re so perfect.” “You’re so beautiful.” Words which could be lies made up in the heat of the lustful moment but I believed every word that he seeped into me and it gave me a high that I wouldn’t come down from for a while. 

My dreams were filled with quick images, just flashes of memories and moments, they moved too fast for me and sent my brain into a panic as I tried to make sense of them, the dreams made my night restless as nights always seemed to be and by the time the next morning came I felt miserable, the sliver of sunlight which etched into my basement room sent pain trembling through my head, all the happiness from yesterday at the back of my mind as the realisation of the world hit me and I had to get ready for a lonely day of school. I threw on my black flag t shirt and a leather jacket which would make the heat of the day over powering. I slipped into black jeans and popped some pills to settle the ache which was threatening to burst my head.

I looked in the mirror at myself and a crushing reality set in, I hated myself. My skin was a pasty white with dark circles which stood out strongly, my hair no matter how many times I brushed it would always revert back to a tangled mess. I ran my hands through it trying to smooth it to no avail, I look like a mixture of dead and ill and I couldn’t stand it. I was now beginning to not trust the words Frank had said to me yesterday because looking at myself there was no way he could say those things truthfully.   
I turned away from the mirror and forced myself up the stairs, as soon as I was in the living room the overpowering smell of food and sound of voices assaulted my senses and I thought it better to just sneak out even if my stomach rumbled in protest against skipping food, I didn’t want to say good morning or good bye because I would be drawn into playing perfect religious family with the others and be forced to eat. I snuck out of the house quickly avoiding everyone except a glimpse of my brother Mikey as I shut the door leaving myself outside in the unusually warm morning air. I was early so I could wander slowly to the bus stop and take my time, let myself think instead of running as fast as I could and as I walked and the first beads of sweat began to form I cursed myself for wearing leather. 

At the bus stop I put my music in drowning everyone out, they were all crowded waiting for the bus in the friend cliques, loud yelling and rowdy playing pushed me away from the groups to stand outcasted by myself. When the bus pulled up we all rushed forward to get a seat, everyone wanting to sit with their friends and myself just finding an empty seat where I could be alone, I hated school, especially the mornings when everyone was just hyperactive and in your face. I was watching everyone scramble to anyone they knew and felt a tang of jealously having to be on my own. 

By the next stop the bus was beginning to get full and I was still sat alone, people shoved on and ran past, they greeted others as if they hadn’t seen them in years, I rolled my eyes and went to lean back in the chair, I was hoping to get back any of the joy I had experienced yesterday but it had been extinguished as soon as I woke up, the happiness never lasted long for me and seeing everyone look so alive and joyous just made the feeling of being alien feel worse, that is until I saw him walking onto the bus, he made his way on deep in a conversation with a friend who was walking behind him, a curly haired brunette who I swear Mikey had hung around before and I couldn’t remember his name. Frank threw himself into the chair next to me and didn’t even glance my way. He carried on talking and I wanted to kiss him, to say good morning even just in a friendly way but I knew our deal. We pretended we didn’t know each other so no rumours began. I forced myself to stare out the window so I could distract myself. Keep him off my mind.  
When we arrived at school I waited until everyone got off the bus before I did, it was like I was invisible here. I stood out front lighting a cigarette before I had to enter the school and listened as the bell rang but ignored it. I was clearing my head and letting the warm sun lazily lick at my face now, it felt nice mixed with the taste of nicotine flooding my mouth. “Freak, we didn’t see you yesterday! Did you hide from us?” My eyes snapped open at the menacing voices and I stared in shock to see a small group approaching me. “I just didn’t see you guys.” I tried to keep a cool uncaring tone to my voice as they towered over me. It was a mistake though because as soon as those words left my mouth I was being hauled into the air before being slammed hard into the wall behind me, my head smacked off of rough uneven bricks forcing tears to my eyes as I felt darkness take over my vision for a second. 

“Trying to put on a bigger person act are you? You’re a pathetic freak. You aren’t cool.” The grip was tight and the others in the group were laughing as I tried squirming from the grip. “I never said I was cool. If you’re ‘cool’ I’d never want to be it.” I met the guys eyes harshly and the others around him began laughing hard until I was thrown into the wall again this time a beefy hand around my throat and my vision unfocused for a few seconds. I squeaked out in fear and he let a dark chuckle escape. “Don’t try to get clever. You waste of space.” 

I threw myself forward towards him, and ended up forcing him to let go and make him stumble, everyone looked shocked even I wore a confused expression before it dawned on me to run, I stumbled quickly as my feet began to move and I went to move towards the school's doors, I grabbed the handle about to make it to safety but before I could get through them I was grabbed heavily by some others of the group and a fist was thrown directly against my back sending me hurtling forward and landing on to the harsh concrete underneath me, I couldn’t escape now and I couldn’t dodge as they pulled me up hands crushing my arms; I just had to take whatever punches he threw. I let it happen trying not to let any noises out, I couldn't encourage them even when I began to taste the blood pooling in my mouth, even when I felt pain just echoing through every muscle in my body. After a while and a lot of punches they were noticeably bored as they just dragged me over to a large dumpster. I was thrown in and engulfed in darkness as the heavy lid was put back over it shutting me in. I didn’t scream or cry, I sat up and ran a hand across my lips wiping away blood which was trickling, this was a usual routine so I wasn’t going to freak out, i just leant my head back against the metal behind me until the smell surrounding me became overbearing and I knew I needed to get out. 

The smells were overpowering to the point I wanted to vomit and every movement came accompanied by a squelching sound inside and a flare of pain. When I finally got out I felt dirty and the pain was constant, I looked around at the empty front of the school and decided it wasn't worth it, I turned and walked away from the school, my walk was fast as I just tried to get as far away in as little time; the blood on my face was drying and I could see black angry bruises forming against the pale skin on my arms. 

The walk home took twenty minutes and by the time I got there everyone had left, I used the key and walked inside throwing my bag on the hallway floor and shrugging my leather jacket off with it, walking up the stairs proved difficult as the pain just seemed to be getting worse with every second, I didn't want to look at the damage done but as I began filling the bathtub curiosity got the best of me and I stared into the mirror intently studying my features; dried blood came from my mouth and nose, forming into one messy conjoined trail across my jaw and neck, my eye was bruised and there were cuts across my lips and eyebrows, i could see other cuts and bruises on my body as I dropped my clothing around me and I felt even more hideous than earlier. I let myself sink into the warm water and shut my eyes as it devoured me as I held my breath and sunk into the warmth. It felt safe and comfortable and I never wanted to emerge.

After that I dressed in boxers and a t shirt and laid on the couch in my living room trying to waste the day with a fleece blanket over myself and the television blaring. I was distracted by the mindless nonsense I was watching, in a world of my own, a loud knock on the door brought me back to reality and I dropped the blanket as I walked to the door to peek through the curtain, I was terrified it would be my mom or dad and I would get in trouble for skipping school but as I peered through I saw Frank standing there grinning, my eyes widened as I remembered he was coming over and stared down at myself, I looked a mess. I felt a mess.

I took a deep breath and opened the door and his face immediately lit up even more as his eyes scanned me stopping on my face, as he did his face dropped and I looked away from him. "Gee, what happened to your face?" The nickname fell from his lips lovingly, his face was laced with worry and I felt a pang in my heart as he just stepped closer. "It's nothing." He gently touched my chin and moved it so I was looking at him. "It doesn't look like nothing Gee." I shrugged at him and pulled away letting him walk in fully, he shut the door behind him. "If you aren't up for it we can postpone what we had planned tonight." Panic struck me at the thought of him just leaving, him not wanting to be around because I looked horrible. I snapped around to face him. "Frank, I'm fine. Really." My desperation shone through and he sighed as we walked into the living room. "Who did that to you?" His tone was serious, one that I wasn't used to hearing from him. "It was no one. I'm fine." He stopped me as I was going to keep walking and gently pulled me into his arms, he laced them around me hugging me, I shut my eyes and just sunk into the moment, he kissed my forehead gently letting his lips linger;

He fought away the darkness which crept through me. He was keeping me from sinking again and slowly that happiness from yesterday began to come back to me. I felt as if I would break down in his embrace and he just kept me tight against his chest. Moments like these made me forget that I was expendable.


End file.
